Our pink dogwood is old. It is less healthy than it used to be, and it’s roots press up against the foundation of the house. It seems it is time to let it go. Letting go is hard for me to do. Looking out the window at the pink blossoms, for perhaps the last time, brings to mind words I wrote in Shining a Light on Grief:
“…thinking I doing well with respect to grieving, I resumed writing monthly articles for Natural Awakenings magazine, beginning with The Anticancer Kitchen, sharing some of what you and I had learned together – what to eat, what to avoid. Writing about foods that prevent and fight against cancer came easily. It was a practical piece of writing, which I hoped readers would find it helpful.
“At this same time, I began journaling, reliving the difficult memories of your final year, while they were fresh in my mind. I withdrew into this writing, spending days sitting at your computer table, capturing the sequence of events and the details, trying to rationalize it all. As I wrote, however, the reliving was causing more pain than comfort.
“Maybe that is why I would wear your favorite sweat pants and gray hoodie, and imagine your warm presence wrapped around me while I wrote. For comfort. To suppress the anguish deep in my heart. Occasionally, I would look out the window and find distraction in the seasonal changes of the dogwood tree, as you once did. The leaves turned burgundy and fell in the fall, while birds foraged the red berries. The snow came and frosted the branches, and the squirrels nibbled on the new buds for winter time sustenance.
Squirrel. Your power animal. This reminded me of my solitary walk around the block, the day after you died. I found a dead squirrel lying on the pavement. It had taken a bad fall from high up above. It was perfectly beautiful, with a just slight trace of blood, in the back of its head, near the brain stem. I imagined the squirrel had taken a leap of fate, and missed. I mourned its death with yours. It is said that when you see a dead animal in the road, the noticing is to help the spirit of the animal to move on, however, it could also be message for the viewer.
“I have read about squirrel power on a shamanic website. ‘“’Squirrel is an almighty power animal to have any time when you feel you have reached a dead end in your life, or in a situation and ready to give up. We are shown that perseverance and the readiness to try different methods are the keys to success.’”’ The notion that any obstacle can be overcome is part of the squirrel’s outlook on life. There is no giving up. I can see now that this was a message for me, yet back then I was numb and blind to it.”
If we have the pink dogwood cut down, we will have to find a young pink dogwood to replace it, and plant it a little further away from the house.What do you think?
Walking Rome Point beach during low tide today, Dean and I noticed lots of iridescent Toenail Shells sticking out of the sand, shiny in the sunlight. These paper-thin hinged shells belong to a small mollusk. The upper half of the shell is convex and movable, while the lower half stays fixed in place. Byssal threads, secreted by a gland near the mollusk’s foot, pass through a hole in the bottom of the shell and anchor the creature to a rock or other hard substrate. Mollusks, which include scallops, clams, oysters and mussels, are filter feeders, taking in water and filtering plankton and other food through ciliated gills – gills with hairlike projections.
Toenail Shells we found scattered along the beach
Measuring 1-2 inches, the coin-shaped yellow-gold or silvery-colored shells of this mollusk are a treasure from the sea. I knew the Toenail Shell by another, a more fanciful, name. What was it? I couldn’t remember. Oh, well. Then as we continued walking along the shore, I spied a ball – a very odd ball. It was metallic-colored and perforated with two rows of oblong holes, like a big jingle bell. I picked it up, only to discover it was a plastic wiffle ball that had acquired a tarnished gold appearance from a thin coating of algae.
Jingle Ball or Jingle Bell?
Then I realized that in my hand I held a clue to answer my question. It was as if I were playing a game of charades with some unseen team mate. Sounds like… “Jingle Bells…” Jingle Shells!
Jingle shells are a favorite find for beachcombers, often used to make necklaces or wind chimes. The shell is named for the sound made when several shells are strung together as a chime. The jingle sound is also heard when waves beat down upon beaches strewn with shells, and it is the sound of lose coins shaking around in a money pouch.
A hand full of sea treasure
Jingle Shells, Jingle Bells… The jingle shells scattered around the beach made me think of the jingle bells we had strewn around the church reception hall after our son’s memorial service, almost two years ago. The bells were a token of remembrance for guests to take home. Each golden bell was tied with a gold ribbon, the symbol of childhood cancer, and sparkly pipe cleaner twists, our family’s symbol of spirit (jingle token shown in banner up top), which has a special story behind it…
When Neil was about five years old, he opened a bag of sparkly pipe cleaners, twisted them into odd shapes and scattered them on window sills and tables around our home. It was Christmas time, and he told us he was decorating the house with “spirits.” The setting out of spirits became his annual tradition, which we continue to do in his memory.
So, is it coincidence that I had written about a “lost jingle” in my blog just the day before?… “One unforgettable character in The Jester Has Lost His Jingle is a little girl lying in a hospital bed with her head wrapped in a bandage. The jester visits her room, talks with her and tries to cheer her up. It is the most precious moment of the story.” This page is where the Jester finds his lost jingle – his ability to bring joy and laughter to others. Maybe it is just coincidence.
David Saltzman’s illustration on the book page where the Jester finds his jingle
Is it coincidence that the only other piece of plastic trash I found on the beach was a red cap? A red cap with a crown insignia on it (the Jester wears a red cap)? A symbol that I interpret to mean the jingle ball was a secret divinely-timed message from the King of Fools? Maybe it is just coincidence or it is just me finding my own meaning in something silly.
The red cap
And, is it coincidence that I posted the following appeal on facebook yesterday? “We’ve raised over $20,000 for the Jester & Pharley Phund over the past two years in memory of our son, Neil, and we’re asking for your help to raise awareness, and $20,000 more, this coming week. Please share this story, and help send the ripples of love further outward. https://wendyfachon.blog/2019/02/15/be-a-difference-maker/ “
Is it any coincidence that today’s story reflects the section of a manuscript I was also working on yesterday, trying to explain my spiritual practice of Story Walking?… “Story Walking is best described as a spiritual detective reality game that leads players into mystical encounters with Mother Nature and creative Spirit. Imagine opening the front door, stepping out onto a giant game board and into a storybook life… In Story Walking, players walk, look, listen and follow subtle clues that appear, usually at their feet, to guide the action forward… Players choose where to go and which path to follow in order to get there… Players make new choices based on what happens as the game advances forward. In other words, each player writes the part of the story over which he or she has control, while allowing the rest of the story to unfold as it will, asking that it do so for the higher good of all… Story Walking is learned through the sharing of stories that provide examples of where to walk, what types of clues to seek and how to interpret codes and signs. By sharing their own personal stories, Story Walkers teach others how to engage in the mysterious game.”
And, is it any coincidence that in the afternoon of the same day, as I was taking another walk around our neighborhood block, I found what appeared to be a little coin pouch? Something to hold a red cap and a few jingle shells or perhaps something to help collect coins? If you believe in the magic of a jingle, please consider giving $10 to The Jester & Pharley Phund , so that the Phund can send the Jester’s joyful story to a child facing a serious life challenge.
A pretty pouch
Wendy Fachon is the creator of Story Walking and hosts the Story Walking Radio Hour.
Wendy Nadherny Fachon 